A roadmap for unmasking ADHD in a safe and sustainable way

Masking in ADHD means hiding or overcompensating for your struggles so you can fit in, avoid judgment, or keep up appearances — often at the expense of your own well-being. Many people with ADHD spend years pretending to be more organized, calm, or focused than they feel inside, using perfectionism, over-preparation, or emotional suppression to “pass” in a world that wasn’t built for their brains. You weren’t faking — you were surviving. Here is a guide to unmasking.

🧭 1. Start with Self-Compassion

“You weren’t ‘faking’ — you were surviving.”

• Acknowledge that masking was a smart adaptation to avoid harm or rejection.

• Let go of shame — you’re not lazy, broken, or failing.

• Speak to yourself kindly like you would a close friend with ADHD.

🪞 2. Notice When You’re Masking

• Keep a journal or note app: When do you pretend to be more organized, calm, or focused than you feel?

Common Ways People with ADHD Mask

🔇 Suppressing Impulsivity

• Holding back blurting out thoughts or interrupting.

• Forcing themselves to sit still even when fidgeting helps focus.

📋 Overcompensating.

• Relying on perfectionism or over-preparation to hide disorganization.

• Don't ask for help.

• Work long hours/ over work to meet unrealistic expectations.

• Live by "fake it until you make it."

🧍‍♀️ Mimicking Others

• Copying others' social cues, work styles, or conversation patterns.

• Pretending to follow along even when zoning out or overwhelmed.

🤐 Hiding Emotional Dysregulation

• Smiling or staying calm on the outside while feeling chaotic or frustrated internally.

• Bottling up emotions to avoid appearing “too much” or “overreactive.”

⏰ Masking Time Blindness

• Apologizing a lot or making up excuses for lateness or missed deadlines.

• Working overtime to hide procrastination or last-minute scrambling.

Why People with ADHD Mask

• To avoid judgment: Being seen as lazy, careless, or disorganized.

• To keep jobs or relationships: Fear of losing trust or credibility.

• To avoid shame: Internalized messages from years of being told to “try harder” or “pay attention.”

• To blend in: Especially in school or professional settings that reward conformity.

The Cost of Masking

• Chronic exhaustion or burnout.

• Anxiety, depression, or imposter syndrome.

• Trouble identifying one’s own needs/preferences.

• Delayed diagnosis (especially in women, BIPOC, or high-achieving individuals).

Signs Someone Might Be Masking ADHD

• They seem “on top of things” but burn out quickly.

• They people please: agree to things too much as a way to stay "likeable."

• They're highly sensitive to criticism or rejection (RSD) due to feeling like a failure or "different."

• They’re inconsistent: hyper-efficient some days, frozen the next.

🛟 3. Unmask in Safe Spaces First

• Choose supportive people (friends, partners, therapists) to be more open with.

• Practice saying things like:

  • “I need to pace or fidget — it helps me focus.”

  • “I didn’t forget because I don’t care — my brain just works differently.”

  • “I need a deadline reminder or I’ll lose track.”

Pro tip: Online ADHD spaces can also be incredibly validating.

🧰 4. Use Accommodations Without Shame

• Timers, noise-canceling headphones, checklists, body doubling — use what helps without apology.

• Ask for accommodations if you’re in school or work — you don’t need to “earn” them.

• Build a workflow that fits your brain rather than forcing yourself to fit a rigid system.

🪴 5. Redefine What ‘Professionalism’ or ‘Success’ Means

• Start by asking: What expectations am I meeting that aren't actually helpful or sustainable for me?

• Give yourself permission to:

  • Take breaks.

  • Say “I need more time.”

  • Set boundaries around overstimulation or unrealistic timelines.

🧠 6. Get Curious, Not Critical

• When you struggle with something, try asking:

  • “What support would make this easier?”

  • “What’s draining me right now?”

  • “What unmet need is behind this reaction?”

💬 7. Work with a Therapist or Coach (if possible)

• Especially someone experienced with neurodivergence.

• Therapy can help you:

  • Unpack internalized shame.

  • Set boundaries without guilt.

  • Rebuild identity beyond masking.

🌱 Final Thought

Unmasking doesn’t mean “no structure” — it means building one that works with your brain, not against it. It’s not about being less functional — it’s about being more authentic and sustainable.